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Day 20: In the Sloughs
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Nov. 21st, 2008 @ 08:51 am
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Today's word count: 1,629
Current Total Word Count: 38,454
What's bad: My achingly slow progress. Fumbling my way for "what comes next" in a concrete way. Figuring out what the non-POV character is doing/feeling when they're not the POV character; I don't know these boys well enough to feel it as keenly as I would if I was writing, for example, AKB. (God, I miss AKB).
What's good: I really liked bringing Cade back into play. I'd made such a big deal of him at first and it felt disproportional if I wasn't going to use him. I also realized that I can get more leverage out of Cade than I thought, both when it comes to sowing doubt and when the inevitable reconcilliation needs to happen. I really kind of love how the whole scene with Cade and Gabriel turned out. It's hard to keep an ex on the line between sympathetic/empathetic and just bitter.
What pleases me: "I was never going to be able to give you what you wanted," Gabe says quietly, answering the thrust of the conversation if not the specific question. "And we were never going to be what you wanted. It would've been a lot shittier for me to keep stringing you along just because you have one of the finest asses in town."
Cade laughs. "I have the finest ass in town, thank you. And—" Cade sighs, raking a hand through the brassy gold-brown of his hair before he looks at Gabe sidelong. "I don't think you ever had a clue what I wanted. But…fair enough. It clearly wasn't what you wanted."Current Mood:  cold |
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Days 18 & 19: One Step Back
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Nov. 20th, 2008 @ 11:57 am
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Today's word count: 2,039
Current Total Word Count: 36,763
What's bad: The fact that my forward momentum has slowed again. This is such a hot and cold novel. I can't believe I have this much love for something THIS HARD to write. *sighs* And I'm in a place where I basically know what I want to do, but filling in the details--and deciding which details can be filled in--is difficult. I don't know when I went to specializing in characters with verbal and emotional constipation, but I don't like it. Nossir, not one bit.
What's good: There is still forward progress. I do have an inkling of the things I want to do. I'm about to put the gun on the table for something that will be pivotal to the denouement and I'm pleased at having gotten to a place where I can finally put that in. Gabe has actually opened up a little bit to Matt; more than he's opened up to anyone, including Jazz or Blue. I really like the unconscious solidarity that has opened up between Gabe and Matt; the "it's a gay wolf thing, you wouldn't understand". *laughs*
What pleases me: Six months ago, in another life, Matt might have argued that pack-bonds are family bonds. But after having both pack and blood-kin repudiate him, he's not as sure of his grounds or his beliefs as he used to be.
Somehow that aches, too, the hole where all his all-too-rare certainty used to be.Current Mood:  busy |
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Fic: A Kept Boy 33/?
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Nov. 18th, 2008 @ 03:15 pm
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Day 16 & 17: The Ants Go Marching
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Nov. 18th, 2008 @ 01:00 am
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Today's word count: 3,266
Current Total Word Count: 34,600
What's bad: That I can't see that there's any way I'm going to be able to wrap this story up in 16,000 words. Of course, that's not an unusual feeling and I could be totally wrong. But I'm having a hard time seeing that happen.
What's good: My wordcount is up after Sunday's debacle. The talk between Jazz and Gabe was a lot less acrimonious than I thought it would be and Gabe was a lot more good-natured about it, but I think that the seeds of doubt are planted anyway. I think that's probably the entire "theme" of this story; it's never going to turn out how I think it's going to, but I'm going to generally love it anyway. I really especially loved Gabe calming Matt through his panic attack and Matt's reaction afterward.
What pleases me: "What was that about?" Gabe asks. His tone's mild and his hand is gentle across Matt's cheek.
Matt shakes his head. "I don't…" It's stupid. He knows it's stupid. Gabe clearly had no problem with his friends knowing about him, knowing what he does with Matt. And the only one who seems to give a damn at all is Matt himself, but he can't help like feeling all his skin's been scrubbed away, leaving him naked and bleeding. "I'm gay," Matt says, agonized.
Gabe stares at Matt for one burning moment before he bursts out laughing.Current Mood:  tired |
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Day 15: You Torture Yourself Every Day, John
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Nov. 17th, 2008 @ 01:02 am
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Today's word count: 1,793
Current Total Word Count: 31,334
What's bad: At this point, I'm pretty much at the end of day 16, so my impressions are likely to be a mix of both days. I didn't manage as many words as I'd like on either day. Of course, weekends tend to be like this, with more interruptions and more social obligations. I went to a write-in that was a near-total wash; I'd have been better off and more satisfied going to the housewarming party that was also scheduled for today. Here I thought I was being virtuous and I just ended up discontent and unproductive. Within the story, I'm really dissatisfied with the way the scene that ends Part 1 went. I'm not sure exactly WHY I'm so dissatisfied with it, but it feels awkward and stilted and I feel like I don't really understand why either of these characters are making these choices except "because God told them to do it". Or, rather, I don't know if the choices I'm having them make in the interest of the plot make sense for their personality. I don't want to join the Ron Moore school of writing. OTOH, that's a problem for rewrites, I guess. I also worry that the transition between the end of the first act and the start of the second act is too abrupt and there are more things I SHOULD have covered before moving on. But I suppose that, too, is a problem for the editing stage.
What's good: I feel this part is becoming repetitive, because the things that are good remain good. My word count, while sometimes grudging, is in a really good position. I'm ahead of the game and I think/hope I can remain so. I feel like I have a better grasp of the characters all the time. The plot is slow to reveal itself, but I have my footholds on the next couple things to happen and that's usually all I need. Matt and Gabe are at that really delicious state where they're totally besotted with each other and completely in denial about it. And Matt's about to have some gay panic that I'm looking forward to writing.
What pleases me: "Hey." Gabriel bumps his knee against Matt's. "Hasn't anyone ever been nice to you?"
Matt shrugs. "Well, sure," he says, struggling not to spray chewed cheese all over Gabriel's bedspread. "My pack…"
"Oh." Gabriel nods his head wisely. "And I'm not pack so I obviously can't give a shit about you? Is that how it works?"
"That's not what I mean—"
"Let me tell you something, kid. I've been through two of your so-called packs and neither one of them gave a good goddamn about me." Gabriel's not yelling, but his voice definitely drives up a notch, acquiring an edge and bitterness it didn't have before. "The people who have helped me, taken care of me, had my back…not a single one of them is somebody who was related to me by blood or even a fucking werewolf. I'm nice to you because I want to be. Because I like you. Because there's little enough kindness in the world already and I'd like to be your friend, if you'd let me."
But why would you want to? Matt's not stupid; he understands everything that Matt just said. At the same time, it goes completely counter to everything his pack ever taught him, everything Martin and the others have led him to believe about the world outside.Current Mood:  cranky |
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Yeah, I Don't Know Either...
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Nov. 15th, 2008 @ 05:06 pm
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Okay. So strangely enough, I have found that watching old Ugly Betty episodes is really good for writing my NaNo novel--yeah, don't ask me, I don't know either. Post apocalyptic gay werewolves = American telenovela. Go fig.
HOWEVER.
Watching Season 1 of UB has only fanned the flames of my little, baby proto-desire to see a really good writer write me the story of Daniel and Betty about ten or so years in the future. Betty has just gotten promoted to EIC of her own magazine, one not at Meade and now Daniel (who has been running Meade) is free to look at her as a peer instead of a protege or employee and realizes that Betty has become this really confident, self-aware, beautiful (and I don't mean she had a Pygmalion-esque makeover, I mean as a PERSON) person and he gets kind of smitten, but Betty's watched him through so many romantic disasters and knows all his embarassing secrets and she TOTALLY wouldn't look at him that way...and he talks himself out of saying anything, but they start spending all this time together...
And Betty really hasn't been thinking of Daniel in those terms. I don't want a Betty that's been pining after Daniel. I want a Betty who's been living and loving her life and now she's really out on her own in this new way and feeling a bit shaky about it and Daniel's being really awesome and supportive and reminding her how she got where she is all on her own. And she starts reflecting about their relationship and how much they've both changed...and maybe there's a late night panicky call that turns into dinner that turns into a couple bottles of wine and clumsy sex.
And they're both totally weirded out and there's some avoidance and then Betty's like, "This is stupid! We're totally friends, it's fine, it happened, whatever." and Daniel's all "...heh. Yeah. Friends."
And then I want the slow burn and awkwardness and Betty seeing how Daniel's changed and he's not the himbo she started out with and there's growing attraction and more awkwardness, and admissions of attraction, and dating and then I want my HEA.
Yes, it is totally sugar spun schmoop and nothing like what I normally want or like AND I DON'T CARE.
Now. Who's going to write that for me? *beams*Current Mood:  hopeful |
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Day 14: I Love It When a Plan Comes Together
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Nov. 15th, 2008 @ 11:17 am
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Today's word count: 3,091
Current Total Word Count: 29,541
What's bad: It probably sounds ridiculous, but I'm worrying that there's too much sex. There's definitely been character movement and arc, but each of the last three scenes has also been a sex scene and I'm wondering if it's overload. OTOH, since the boys are NOT resisting each other like I thought they would, I want to adequately convey how quickly and deeply they've become addicted to each other and, with men, that's much more easily 'justified' and rationalized (by them, as well as me) with sex. They're not going to have a long chat-up about their feelings, for Pete's sake. And they both keep using sex to derail conversations they don't want to have. I also worry that, after his stated disinterest in anything complicated, Gabe's sudden overweening interest in Matt won't read true. I mean, I think Gabe is an entirely unreliable narrator about his own wants and likes, but I don't know if Gabe's unreliability is clear enough to the AUDIENCE for it to not read falsely. I'm also starting to worry a bit if Matt's submissiveness isn't going to lead to a non-con feeling to their relationship; a feeling that he's going along with Gabe BECAUSE he's submissive and not because it's what he wants. I want to find a way to show up that Matt is seeking something from Gabe, too, even if he doesn't really know/believe that. So there's a lot of character juggling going on. I'm also concerned about the setting. I initially made it post-apocalyptic largely because I LIKE post-apocalyptic and I wanted to construct the kind of feudal society like in Jeremiah. But for the most part, the background hasn't come into play in any significant way and that troubles me. I'm very much of the mindset that if I don't need it, I shouldn't do it and it wouldn't change THAT MUCH of the story to make it mainstream society. OTOH, I realized that one of the "real" reasons I'd made it post-apocalyptic was to give the wolves the ability to be "out" in mainstream society, which is pretty important to Gabe's character, at least. So then I don't know. I suppose these are worries for later.
What's good: I figured out a big linchpin piece of Gabe's backstory that's been eluding me. On the one hand, I knew Gabe's STATED REASONS for walking away from his pack, but it's such an unusual thing that I kept feeling there had to be more to it. OTOH, I didn't want to copy Matt's situation. But the boys from the brain farm gave me a 'something more' that explains a lot of Gabe's sudden and unexpected empathy toward Matt while giving him the uniqueness of his own experience. Now if I could just get them to TALK about SOME of this stuff! And get them to stop having sex long enough for me to move on with the rest of the story. I know what the second act of the story needs to be, which feels good, though I am a wee bit concerned that I'm almost 30K in and I still haven't ended the first arc. It's such a truism about me: either I write short or I write novels. I am not much good at the in-between, with a few notable exceptions. Still, I'm almost there and then I can fudge some time and move them out into the Real World, where things get complicated all over again. It feels nice to have some direction and something to look forward too. Gabe's friends were so much present in the first part of the story and now the story has collapsed down to just Gabe and Matt. I'm looking forward to playing in that larger world again and screwing up the boys in entirely new ways. *eg*
What pleases me: "You can have whoever you want."
Gabriel does laugh, then, husky and filled with genuine amusement. His thumb sweeps along Matt's pulse, encouraging it to speed up. "I'm glad you think so much of my prowess." He tugs on Matt's arm and Matt comes out of the chair. He starts to go to his knees, but Gabriel stops him, making Matt straddle his thighs instead. "What if I say what I want is you, little wolf?"
Matt's chin lifts, hearing the naked desire in Gabriel's rasping tones, in the soft caress of Gabriel's fingers at his waist. "I'd say the same thing. You can have whoever you want."Current Mood:  creative |
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Day 13: All Shall Love Me and Despair
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Nov. 14th, 2008 @ 09:14 am
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Today's word count: 4,247 (YES, YOU READ THAT RIGHT!)
Current Total Word Count: 26,450
What's bad: I don't know if a big chunk of what I wrote yesterday will be used. I had a flash on Matt's backstory and had to write it out, which is great, don't get me wrong. But I don't know if it's usable. But hey, I'll take any day where that's the worst thing to happen.
What's good: Yesterday was (obviously, look at that word count) a good flow day. I actually wrote 2500+ words after 11p. It's been a long time since I've done that, and it felt good. I had a huge flash on how Martin and Matt's relationship began and it's nearly as awful (in a good way) as I thought it would be. Martin was a real piece of work, f'real. I don't think Gabriel's going to like him much, either.
What pleases me: When Matt's breath stops sobbing through his lungs and he can think again, Martin forces Matt's head up so he can look Matt in the eyes. "I hope you understand that this…" Martin waves a hand at Matt, at the blooming wet stickiness of his pants, "is not appropriate behavior for the pack. I allow you to do this because I'm your alpha and I care for you, but this is not pack behavior. Do you understand?"
Matt nods, sitting back on his knees. "Yes, sir." Martin isn't telling him anything he didn't already know, the reason he's avoided even thinking about it for so long. The pack breeds. That's their mandate from God. Perversion like this is entirely counter to God's will.
"I will help you manage this," Martin tells him, his face serious despite the dark flush of his skin and the faint glitter of sweat at his hairline. "When you have these…desires, I want you to come to me and we'll talk about them. I won't leave you to struggle with this alone, Matt."
Matt's fingers clench in the denim of his jeans and he has to look down, heat and water prickling his eyes. He's been so ashamed. So scared to tell anyone, to even admit it to himself and instead of repudiating him the way Matt thought he would, here's Martin offering to help him. Matt's been so stupid. "Th-thank you, sir."Current Mood: ecstatic |
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Day 12: Retrenching
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Nov. 13th, 2008 @ 01:27 pm
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Today's word count: 2,510
Current Total Word Count: 22,203
What's bad: My inability to focus. It's taking me so long to crank out my word count and it's driving me crazy, especially since the problem so clearly rests with me. I need to buckle down and focus more. Especially if I want to find time to write more AKB. The characters are also doing things I don't expect again and I'm not yet sure whether I should give them their head or rein them back in.
What's good: The things that have been good continue to be good. I'm really enjoying Matt's conflict; how he sees himself is so disconnected from how he really is and he's so unaware of his damage. I feel like I need to reconnect with Gabriel a little more again; I'm swinging hard toward Matt, but they're good. And they're good together.
What pleases me: Matt's putting on his second shoe when the parlor door opens with a quiet sigh of wood. Matt freezes without looking for several long moments before he turns his head to look at Gabriel. "Good morning."
There. Not so hard, his voice neutral and quiet. He's getting better at this already.
Sadly, Gabriel's no longer naked, a pair of loose, drawstring pants barely hanging on the points of his hipbones and the soft cloth doing nothing to disguise the loose swing of his cock. Matt's pretty torn between that and the ripple of Gabriel's abs. "You going?"
Matt glances at Gabriel's eyes, trying to divine the emotion behind Gabriel's tone before he looks back down at his scuffed and dirty boots. The laces on the left are nearly worn through where they go through the top eyelets. He doesn't know what he's going to do when that happens. Go without, probably. Matt shrugs. "It's getting kind of late."
Gabriel scratches his chest idly. It could be a seductive gesture, drawing attention to the defined lines of his pecs, but Matt doesn't think Gabriel means it that way. Doesn't stop Matt's cock from giving a shivery twist in his pants, though.
Gabriel opens his mouth like he's going to say something, pauses, then closes it again. Then, quieter, he asks, "You have somewhere to be?"
If he was thinking, Matt would've lied, but innate honesty has him saying, "No, not really," before he can bite his tongue.Current Mood: busy |
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Day 11: I Feel You
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Nov. 12th, 2008 @ 01:41 pm
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Today's word count: 2,294
Current Total Word Count: 19,693
What's bad: Mostly that I'm still behind and that it's more of a struggle than I'd like it to be. But... (see next point)
What's good: I can really feel the characters literally gelling under my fingertips. This is much more a character driven story than a plot-driven story, so that's the more important part. I'm really loving Matt's disconnect; how he sees himself is through such a warped mirror and I'm looking forward to how it's going to blow his mind when Gabe doesn't see him the same way and, in fact, starts making him question all these deep-set assumptions. I'm also getting vague inklings of the forward; scenes that haven't quite gone full blown yet, but are starting to rumble. Also, I'm writing smut! Smut hot enough that I'm turning myself on. That may not seem like anything special, but I have been in a long drought of smut and this is like rain from heaven.
What pleases me: ( Cut for smut. )Current Mood: pleased |
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Day 8: It's Not All Downhill From Here
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Nov. 9th, 2008 @ 02:24 am
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Today's word count: 2,016
Current Total Word Count: 15, 185
What's bad: Another struggling, limping day. I'm not really sure why; I knew what I wanted to happen here, more or less, but I just couldn't seem to get it together, except in dribs and drabs. It was a really slow, really painful day of writing.
What's good: I do really like the dynamic. Gabriel and Matt are much less switch-y than I normally write characters. Matt is very much a sub and Gabriel is very toppy and I can't envision either one of them as particularly versatile, but I'm not bored by it.
What pleases me: I don't know. For as difficult as it was, I kind of like the whole thing and I'm too tired to pick something out.Current Mood: exhausted |
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More Conversations from The Poison-Sixers Household
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Nov. 8th, 2008 @ 09:20 am
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![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) sixersfan: You know, baby, I veto your family rule.
poisontaster: Which rule is that?
sixersfan: The one where you said our kids can't sing the songs about me.
Clairification: Sixers has MADE UP several songs about himself. They have lyrics like, "I"m the [sixers]-man, yes, the [sixers]-man, and I'm wonderful, wonderful, wonderful...." They are all sung in his off-key voice, loudly and frequently have dances that go with them. More catastrophically, they are extremely catchy and have been known to earworm into my head for days at a time.
poisontaster: .... Yeah, no. *considers* Okay, we can let them sing the songs to you on your birthday, how about that?
sixersfan: *horrified* Oh, NO! I want them to make up their OWN songs about me for my birthday!
poisontaster: ....*facepalm*Current Mood: amused |
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Day 7: The Eyes of Love
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Nov. 8th, 2008 @ 12:06 am
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Today's word count: 2,107
Current Total Word Count: 13,169
What's bad: Really, not very much at all. I think the worst part of today was that I hit my word count at around 5:15p because I suspected I was not going to get any time to write once I got home and my fears about that were borne out. That was disappointing, but not unexpected.
What's good: EVERYTHING ELSE. I'd still like to be a little further along in my word count, but, without padding, I'm pretty much exactly on target; just over 25% by the end of the first week. More importantly, I am finally feeling these characters and I'm in that flush of 'new love' where I'm really excited about them and starting to really feel like I have a grasp on them and what they're about. I find I always start off with this idea of who my characters are and then they come in wth their own plans and agendas and we have to duke it out for a while. And then there comes a place where we come to terms, the place where I accept who they are and we can move on with everything else. I know this sense of loving happiness won't last, but today, I enjoyed it.
What pleases me: "You want to learn to make small talk," Gabe advises, once Jazz and Mariela have disappeared into the house—Mariela and her husband rent the basement from the Denoms'—and Cooper has stumped off to her apartment in the former garage. He keys open the padlock and starts unraveling the chains from around his bike.
"I'm sorry?"
"Small talk." Gabe stuffs the chains and lock back into their saddle compartment before turning to Matt again, leaning his butt against the bike's seat. "If you don't want them asking about your personal life all the time, you have to learn to distract them with talk about other stuff. C'mere." He reaches for Matt.
"What other stuff?" Matt comes readily into the space between Gabe's spread out legs, hands emerging from his pockets to hang quiet at his sides. His voice is deeper than Gabriel thought at first, a slight gravel rasp to it that's kind of sexy.
"Anything." Gabe grabs Matt's hands—strangely warm after decades of human's cool skin—guiding them around his waist and reeling Matt in closer. "The weather. A book you read. Something funny that happened in the market."
"The only thing that happened in the market is that I saw you." An expression too faint to be called a smile softens Matt's lips. "That wasn't funny, it was terrifying."
Gabriel brushes his thumb across Matt's cheek and encounters the rough suede of colorless stubble, too fine to be seen unless you were this close to him. "Are you afraid of me?"Current Mood: happy |
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